III. ROLLING AWAY THE STONES
Preparing for the big day—or big week.
You’ve made it to the long-awaited release date. Bless you. Well done.
How are you doing as a team?
Are you feeling anxious right about now? Stressed out? Nervous?
Of course you are.
ANXIETY
Something exciting and important and new always feels this way: a graduation speech, heading off to college, moving to a new city, a wedding, a baby just weeks away from arriving! You’re nervous because you care.
You’re invested now.
Now imagine what kind of anxiety your releasing friend might be feeling.
For years, men and women describe getting the bends in their final month or two “before the gate.” Short time is the hardest time. It moves slowly, painstakingly. We often hear from them less. If we catch a collect call, their voice is often different. They tell us they don’t feel right. Many report feeling angry, on edge, suddenly hating people around them inside the prison.
The most self-aware men and women usually can name it more clearly: “I’m so scared.”
Why do you think?
Like you, they probably thought, “I should be happy!” But they have something to lose now. They have hope. Like you, they care now. There’s risk.
So be gentle with each other and stick close as we get closer.
STAY CONNECTED
WITH YOUR RELEASING FRIEND
In the weeks just before release, plan to be more available than you have been. Maybe your friend wants to have just one or two people they’re in regular contact with as the day nears. Maybe they like having everyone reaching out via letters/emails or ability to take calls. Send a physical greeting card, if you want. Just saying you all as a team, as a church, are looking forward to seeing them soon.
Go over some of these options below with them and have a shared idea of what the first day will look like.
Of course, there’s often last minute changes, wrenches that get thrown into your plans. The prison system, you’ve found, is not good at “customer service.” So stay flexible, breathe, pray, keep practicing the Welcoming Prayer, letting go of a need for control.
Stay in touch with your friend and and with each other.
AS A TEAM: GROUP TEXT THREAD
For the day before, the big day, and the next week or so, several teams have started a group text thread amongst their 5-7 members. This avoids a confusing tangle of calls, repeating updates to multiple people, details left out, people left out, hurt feelings, mixed messages, etc. Teams start to smile, feeling like a mission impossible crew, everyone checking in the night before. Photos from the two members picking your friend up at the gate. The text thread helps you stay connected and close in this wonderful and fragile day.
The initial pickup, meal, and CCO appointment should probably be with two team members who are able to be most available this first day. The rest can get split up after that.
A GOOD FIRST DAY (SUGGESTIONS)
Every day is different, every release is different. But after doing this for many years, here’s some suggestions—and one or two likely requirements—for a good release day:
PICKUP AT THE PRISON GATE
If your releasing friend doesn’t already have a solid, close family member picking them up, and if they don’t have a required DOC transport back to the county, your team gets this honor to be there at the gate to welcome them out! If the prison is far away, make an adventure out of this trip: two team members head out together on a long drive early in the morning. Ask your friend what time you have to be there, checked in with the front office, so that they can be processed and released on schedule.
Sometimes you can bring some clothes in a bag or box to submit to the front office, where your friend can release in normal clothes and not their inmate attire. Ask if they’d like this.
Now, your friend might be excited at the gate, eager to shout in relief or hug you. Or your friend might be overwhelmed with anxiety, awkward, shut down. If so, don’t take it personally. Just be present, attuned to how they’re doing. Like when supporting someone giving birth: give them permission for however they need to be! It’s not about us at this moment. Just savor it. Bring your peace in your presence, your love in your straight-forward smile.
The drive—especially a long one—is a great time to decompress. It opens space, quiet, some stillness for all the transitions happening on this day. There’s time to talk, laugh, catch up, if they want. Time to go over some of what the rest of the day can look like.
A GOOD MEAL
One of my favorite moments in this work. Table fellowship. Assuming they’re hungry: sitting down at a quiet restaurant of their choosing, inviting our releasing friend to think of whatever they want. Some guys have sheepishly admitted, “I know I should say I want a steak or seafood or something. But honestly, I’ve been thinking of Jack in the Box’s curly fries for five f$#@ing years! Is that ok?”
Just enjoy the time together. Ask questions you may have. Invite any of their questions. Be curious. Tell stories. Laugh. Savor it.
CCO OFFICE: REQUIRED 1ST DAY
The one required event of this day is checking in at the DOC’s Community Corrections Office in their release county, to meet with their CCO. This can take an hour or two, if they have to wait and fill out paperwork, and go through some orientation stuff. Make room for this, and when you’re there just wait in the lobby or in your car. We’ve learned CCO’s don’t want anyone else trying to “accompany” the releasing individual back into the meeting, nor doing any advocacy. Just your quiet commitment and support to help them comply on this first day—that speaks volumes and builds trust with their CCO (who holds all the keys to your friend’s freedom, or trip back to prison).
If your friend has the amazing fortune to “not have any probation,” or years of checking in with parole/CCO, then you can skip this entire step! For the rest of your journey together!
NATURE
Now that you know about the required CCO office visit, you can consider a planning into the day a healing and refreshing pause outdoors. Timing depends on your geography: if it’s better to knock out the CCO office first, or if there’s a beautiful place to walk outdoors somewhere along the drive home. Don’t stress to make a field trip out of it.
Just a place to pause and breathe—and savor this transition.
Your releasing friend has been in a concrete tank, a human warehouse, for too long. Before jumping right into the traffic and offices of the rest of their life, we’ve found great meaning in aiming for a beach sometime that first day. Or a favorite forest. Maybe a trail. A state park where it’s quiet. An epic view. Let your friend, just out of captivity, feel the wonder of the open, created world. Even for twenty minutes. Breath deep breaths together. Take a picture.
HOUSING
It’s good to get to their new housing, wherever it is, and let them get settled in. As with any traveler, knowing where you’ll set your bags and rest your head is essential to getting your bearings.
Hang out, if you can. Go through how they’re feeling. What the CCO told them. When the time is right, here where they unpack, you get to now share their . . .
WELCOME HOME BASKET!
This is where all those things your church pulled together are felt as the essential gifts they need: some hygeine, socks, gift cards to go get some clothes, a simple cell phone, backpack, calendar, and any other greeting cards or surprises congregants may have shared as well. So they don’t have to be anxious about their basic needs, but can get some rest and feel all the huge adjustments happening inside them. More than basic needs, though: this is where we’ve seen men and women really struck by how a larger community, a church, actually WANTS them back in the community! And that they don’t have to “go to church” to experience a community’s faith and embrace.
CALM AND CARING ENVIRONMENT
That’s the key for the whole day. Don’t overwhelm them with all the work ahead. Reassure them you’ll be there tomorrow, to take the next steps. Share phone numbers. You’ll figure it out together.
Years ago, a friend of ours released directly out of two years in solitary confinement. He was pale and quiet, shaky with post-traumatic stress symptoms and a wariness from years of gang memories in the valley. On our first day together, he got a call on his new phone that he had a warrant out for his arrest! “If you all hadn’t have been there with me, I woulda booked it. Left the state. There’s no way I’m going back to prison.”
We talked our friend down, assured him we’d call the court clerk, look into this. And we did. Turns out it was a glitch in the system, a warrant over ten years old! We talked with the clerk, made more calls, and it was cleared. Due to a broken court system, this man would have fled out of animal terror—to not go back into the cage—sabotaging his freedom, instantly violating his parole. (How many other men and women have experienced this, and so despaired and violated their fragile release conditions?) But simply having calm, present friends and support made all the difference.
Don’t add any pressure or anxiety to their day. Just be there, enjoying and reassuring them, ready for the next step together as they’re ready.
REST OF THE FIRST WEEK
Make plans just for the next day. One day at a time. Tomorrow you can start to get the calendar out, make a few to-do lists together. Appointments. Clothes. Rides. Offices.
Some common second and third day trips to plan on:
DSHS office: Get set up with state health insurance, any state food or cash assistance as they get on their feet. Forms to sign, online portals to navigate. Mailing addresses. It takes time.
Shop for some clothes. Use those gift cards your church hopefully helped supply. It’s fun to pick out some shoes, pants, shirts of their choice!
Any required evaluations. Chemical dependency or mental health evaluations can be mandated by parole. Find the agencies, make the calls, schedule the evaluations, put it on the calendar, check it off the list. Have some candy. Or dinner.
Start with whatever’s necessary, urgent. The rest can come together over a few weeks. Re-read the Accompaniment Through the System module if you want. Refresh which team member has the ball on which STONE TO ROLL AWAY: DOC office, driver’s license/ID, all that.
And don’t forget ice cream. Taking a walk around the block near their housing. Pray together if they’re into that. Time to adjust, rest, adjust. Those are essentials this first week.
YOU GOT THIS
You’ll find your way together.
Stay in touch. Be a team. Set aside the time. Work those calendar skills. Text goodnight at the end of the day. Crack some jokes.
Welcome to the land of the living.
We take it for granted.
Lift your friend up to God as you go to sleep. Savor this. You are practicing resurrection. Maybe, as Jesus assured the nervous gathering outside Lazarus’ tomb you’re seeing a glimmer of the glory of God.
This is just the beginning.
